When We Saw the Raven's Circle. (The Beginning of My Confession)

"Pull Over!"
So I did.
Celi jumped out.
Gust of wind.
Slam of door.
From a sea of black
A single hair danced
The void between the seats.
Became a part of my shirt.
(God Damn.
That's when
Wasn't it?
During my darling's
flight of fancy.)
I wouldn't find the strand
Until later.
I would tie it to
Jason's finger.
A secret.
She would always
laugh
at our
sentimentality,
Said it
exposed
the liars in us.


This was back before
The Third Fall.
Before the bodies
Began to stack.
But shit was
pretty
damned
bad already.
Everywhere.
So we went Nowheresville.
Hundreds of miles
Outside City Three-One.
We were doing these
excursions
on the regular now.
I liked to call it
Reconnaissance.
Araceli called it
Open-House.
Jason -
He, didn't want to call it.
But it was good to get out
And we knew it.
We just didn't want it.
Always the same positions.
Celi and I
In the front seats
Hashing out scenarios.
Mathing out the rations.
My hands stayed on the wheels
As her eyes stayed on the skies.
"Each player to her strengths," she said.
Jason in the backseat
Drawing his predictions.

"Pull Over!"
So I did.
Celi jumped out.
Gust of wind.
Slam of door.
And that floating thread of -
Beautiful.
A... a circle of birds
Stood there.
A perfect circle of ravens.
Maybe, twenty yards
off the road?
The birds
stood there.
Silent.
More coming.
Not swooping,
Or circling,
But darting.
Diving directly
As if guided by a hand.
See a parched desert land
Brought to focus by
Black feathers
Red Eyes
A black rain of birds.
And the desert nothing.
Each landing raven making the circle
More complete,
More perfect,
More terrifying.
Have you ever seen
a silent flock
of birds stock still?
Have you felt the shock
Of fear while witnessing
Your one most dear
Exhibiting a courage
That scoured your shame
And turned you towards
Determination?

She walked straight to it.

Would that I would see her walk like that forever.
Would that I would see her walk like that once more.
Would that it was the coward who died
When the bodies
stacked.
But, what good is "would" when
Cowards speak? Eh, friend?

"Pull Over!"
So I did.
And she walked straight to it.
Gust of wind.
A strand of black.
My raven flying,
So I flew too.
Then, Jason grabbed my hand.
Two scared boys
Following their Fearless Lady.
Two spots stood open in the circle.
The birds
They stared at us.
They expected us.
And she walked right up
And took her spot.
She sat.
So confident
That this was all as it should be.
So confident
As if we had discussed this eventuality.
And both agreed:
"Yes.
Should the ravens come to circle
And invite us to sit.
We will sit."
She sat so peacefully,
The other spot
Opposite,
And empty
She looked to Jason.
I looked down.
My boy
Grabbing my hand.
Showing me his picture.
Like every good boy
Would do for his daddy.
He drew this.
He drew this circle of ravens.
His momma sitting with them.
He drew it.
And there I was,
Sitting with those fucking birds.
Jason, motioned me forward
I started to walk.
He started drawing again.

Gust of wind.
Beautiful -
Beautiful strand of hair.
Gust of wind.
Desert land.
Gust of wind.
And burning
Salt tears
As I tried
Tried to make
Eye contact with her.
But Celi -
Just stared at Jason.
And every bird stared at me.
Willed me still.
(They knew a coward
sat with them that day.)
Every eye on me
Except the two
I needed to see.
Except those eyes
Of Araceli.
Those eyes of strength
Were trained on Jason.
Her boy Her pride.
She loved him so fucking much.
Our strange wonderful little boy.
And he walked too.
Apparently,
There was only one scared boy that day.
And Jason was not that boy.
My beautiful beautiful
Strange little boy.
He walked with strength too.
Just like Momma showed him to.
He walked
To the center of that circle.
And sat.
All alone.
Just like he drew it.
Just like he knew he would do it.
The birds turned their heads to him.
Jason sat in the center of that circle.
And stared at me.

So I sat as straight as I could be.








Until Tomorrow...